Christmas wish list for the presidential candidates

Since Conservative news outlets have ruined Christmas by pummeling anti-Christmas idiocy in our governments, schools and corporations, thereby producing a dearth of humorous stories of PC morons banning Nativity scenes, Christmas trees, Santa, Rudolf, Mr. Hankey, I have had to switch gears on what to write about during this Holiday season. As you are well aware, the 2008 Presidential race has been in full swing since about Wednesday, November 3, 2004. The 40 person debates have certainly been interesting, but really haven't told us much about the candidates. As the first couple of primaries and caucuses get underway, we will learn much about these people, mainly from the mud they will be flinging at each other. But in the spirit of the season, I hope to throw out some good cheer with some wishes for each of the candidates for Christmas.

• To Hillary Clinton - I wish you a better fashion choice than the litany of pant suits you seem compelled to wear. I understand that the choices are limited and the guys can put on any $50 suit and look pretty much like the rest of the pack, but surely there must be other options
• To Mitt Romney - I wish you some cool. You need to chill out and not look like a guy who wears a suit to the beach
• To Dennis Kucinich - actually, I think he already married his Christmas present. Pretty good score for a guy that I thought was Ross Perot with a greasy black rodent stapled to his head
• To Rudi Guiliani - I wish you could go back in time and not attend so many parties wearing dresses. You are not a very convincing drag queen.
• To Barak Obama - I wish you some cosmetic surgery. Come on, lets get those jug handles on the side of your head pinned back. The Prince Charles look just isn't presidential
• To Mike Huckabee - I wish you a better last name. Sorry, I just picture this guy -------------------------------------->
  
• To John Edwards - I wish you a clue. Time to get out of politics and get back to chasing ambulances
• To Ron Paul - I wish you some more supporters. I don't agree with your platform but the supporters you do have are some of the most enthusiastic I have seen in any campaign and are definitely not Republican party automatons
• To the rest of the pack. I send you my holiday best wishes. Go home. Enjoy the holidays with friends and family. Watch some football. Stop spending millions of dollars on a race you won't win while pontificating about fiscal responsibility.